I remember one day when I was a younger mom, standing on my back deck staring into the treed yard, looking into the sky, wishing so hard that I was like someone else. This particular person I knew and interacted with on a weekly basis and was the complete opposite of me, that was why I wanted to be like her. She had things I didn't, was everything I wasn't, I believed if I could be like her I would be worth something.
This wasn't the first time....nor the last.
I must confess I have spent way too much of my life, wishing to be someone else. It brought me to a place once (and only once), that I had suicidal thoughts. The dark place one goes that is demonic and blinds you to reality. I was not in a good place in my life, things were not as they should be. And although I do not place blame on those in the church or anyone else, the pressure I felt (ignorantly) to be busy with church activities, school activities, extra curricular activities and be a different person so I would be accepted was very real AND very detrimental, definitely not Biblical. I had succomb to the lie that my worth came ONLY when I was doing certain things, my kids were doing certain things, and if I had certain personality traits.
The striving to do everything right yet not being satisfied with how I was created (because He obviously made a mistake.) What a horrible slap in my creators face.
To do it all on MY SCHEDULE (because obviously God's timing wasn't good enough for me) took me out of my place as mom and wife and instead I succumb to the curse from the sin in the garden. Took the role that was never intended to be mine...the head, the leader and subsequently in my honest desire (yet very faithless, selfish, and pride filled) for a Godly life and raise Godly children, I became my own worst enemy and was no benefit to my family at all.
I am not placing blame on anyone but my self for how I felt, and how I chose to act. I want to make that clear. No matter what others do or don't do should not determine my thoughts or actions. I do believe if we are not daily in God's Word, we WILL fall into that place, believe the lies, blinded to the truth. How important, how critical to stay vigilant, watching over our hearts with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life.
I know I am not the only one that has experienced these things to one extent or another. It is a deception and clouded perspective where we look to one another and selfishly try to fulfill, what God can and should only fulfill. Sure there is always room for improvement but God did not make a mistake, we make choices, we have to own up to the consequences of our choices, good or bad. When we desire what others have or decide our way is better, we lack faith in the perfect God who created us in His image for His glory and blame Him or others when things aren't they way we think they should be.
He did not create us to spend our short time here on earth to be wasted and especially not wasted on trying, desiring, giving our thoughts and heart to being something or someone we are not.
We may be in different stages of our lives, but we may still struggle at times (perhaps not to the extent we have in the past or that I did long ago) but it creeps in doesn't it. Our eyes get distracted and are taken off the ONE whom we should be looking to for our direction, our purpose, our standard our WORTH.
Don't let those labels people put on us stick, the only label that matters is what God thinks and if there is a certain area to improve , then it's about time to get on your knees and get working on that for His Glory, His purpose.
Don't allow the world around you determine your priorities or your worth.
A little pep talk, for myself today. Maybe it's for you too.
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” Gen. 1:27
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.
For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.
“You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor's.”
1 Peter 5:8
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: